Please God please.  Let me feel it just one. more. time.  It makes me feel alive, important, loved and the white hot glow of euphoria makes all the past hurt, all the horrible mistakes, all the empty hours of breathing seem like part of a cosmic plan that feels so good, is so good, all my suffering was worth it, possibly even divine . Smack.  Dope.  Mud.  Horse.  Skag.  Junk. H. Black tar.  Black pearl.  Brown sugar. Witch hazel. Bird...