Disturbia, fiction, family, friends, and everything else between the lions.
Published on November 21, 2008 By Tova7 In Entertainment

For a dead-on review (pun intended) go here...

http://screenrant.com/twilight-review-vic-4325/

However, this "review" is more about my TWILIGHT experience. 

Stephanie Meyer wrote a 4 book vampire series and this is the first book made movie.

I read the series and while its a bit tame, the main character, a 17 year old virgin named Bella is like-able (for awhile anyway).  She of course falls in love with a vampire (Edward) and in later books a Werewolf (Jacob) too.

The movie sucked rocks. 

Why?  Oh let me count the ways.

 Remember the good ol days?  When actors were so committed to their craft, they actually cut their hair and even dyed it for the part?  Well, pfft, not this movie.  The wigs were some of the worst I have EVER seen on screen.  And when they weren't in ugly generic 1990's wigs, the hair was liberally doused with baby powder.  I kept waiting for a snow fall every time certain actors moved on screen.  Or a dust cloud, something, ANYTHING to give it some umph.

 The male lead, Edward.  What a wuss.  His hair weighs more than he does (but at least it wasn't powdered).  Is this the type of guy who appeals to teen girls (who the movie is obviously directed toward)?  Seriously, he was a male waif.  You could see his BONES he was so skinny and puny.  Everytime he got near the lead female I thought, pfft, she'll snap you like a twig waif boy.

 And the corniness.  I just can't say enough about the corny-ness.  "Bella you are my life now."  Says the powdered face scarecrow to the cow.

There was a guy a seat down from me.  He got up three times and left his date sitting there.  He was gone for about fifteen minutes each time.  GUYS THIS IS NOT A MOVIE YOU WILL ENJOY!  DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO AVOID IT!

I felt bad for him, especially since he was the only guy I saw in the entire theater.  The movie was such a joke, his coming and going was more noteworthy than the lousy effects or even the powdered hair.

There were women of all ages, probably because this was supposed to be an epic love story.  Some as young as SIX.  Some wore shirts that said, "Team Jacob" (the werewolf) or "Team Edward"(the vamp) heh.  They were so excited.

Most came in groups.  I went because occasionally I like to see a good romance on screen.  Once every few years I will go see one.  The last one I intentionally saw was Titanic, and I thought it was just right with the cinematography stealing the show and the romance taking a back seat.  And even though the characters were younger than me, I could still identify with the angsty teen love thing enough to feel bad for them.

So I wasn't surprised to see girlfriends show up together.  One such trio sat right in front of me.  By the time we were 3/4 of the way through the movie, I was laughing out loud and snorting at the too corny effects and hoaky lines.  I wasn't really doing it consciously but toward the end it was too much.   I couldn't keep it bottled up.  I kept expecting Ashton Kutcher to jump out and Punk me, then start the real show.

I even muttered, "Oh please.  This movie sucks."  And the guy sitting a seat down from me grunted in agreement.

However, not everyone appreciated my perspective.  If looks could kill, a ghost would be writing this.  Or maybe a vampire, though if being a vampire means a bad wig or powder in my hair, well, PASS.

 What I learned from this experience?  Leave the fluffy male waif and powdered hair supernatural world to the teeny boppers.

Bring on the UNDERWORLD. 

 

 

 

 


Comments (Page 1)
2 Pages1 2 
on Nov 21, 2008

 

on Nov 23, 2008

I read the first three.  Then I read spoilers for the fourth and was heartily grateful I did.

I had my doubts about this movie as soon as I heard about it.  What waxes as kind of poetic romance in a novel would never come across as anything but drivel in a movie. Meyers really hit that peculiar note of the kind of uber-boyfriend I think all (most?) of us really wanted as teens--the mysterious bad-boy who softens just for the heroine and is devoted beyond his own convenience.  Hmmm... maybe that is just me but I talk to a lot of women who had that ideal.  With a book, the reader can insert a whole lot more of her own hopes or memories than with a movie. It's easier to romanticize what one reads compared to what one sees.  It's just a limit of the movie format.

To be honest, the third book really bugged me.  I didn't know that it would, but Bella just got icky and super selfish. I wanted to smack that girl with a tuna.  That's why I read the spoiler and saved myself a couple of hours.

By the way, Peter Facinelli as a blond and as a almost god-like handsome man?  Puh-leaz!  Someone needs to go back to casting school.

I'll probably watch it when it comes out on DVD and I have a lot of laundry to fold.

on Nov 23, 2008


Bring on the UNDERWORLD. 

Amen.  Those movies aren't great, but at least they've got sexy Kate Beckinsale in tight leather bodices and plenty of sexy vampire action - as opposed to the apparent snorefest of Twilight.

My sister went and saw it last night, and her reaction was, 'There's sucky, then there's SUCKY, then there's that craptacular movie.  Whole new levels of Suckitude.'

on Nov 23, 2008

Underworld rocks!  True Vampire movies rock!  I'm not a fan of Twilight because having heard from my two friends at work, who are die hard and loves the books, I hope they won't be disappointed like you when they see the movie which they both did last night! It would be interesting to see if they liked it or not too. 

on Nov 23, 2008

Yikes, Colleen and I were looking forward to this movie, now I guess we will wait for the DVD to come out. I hate bad vampire movies, I have been watching "true blood" on HBO now this one is great filled with all kinds of charectors that come alive on the boob toob. Mind readers, Changlings vampires good and evil as hell, serial killers and more. The last episode of the season is tonight, sadly I will have to wait another 6 months for it to continue. Boo hoo.

on Nov 23, 2008

Didn't read the book, not going to watch the movie.  I didn't even know this series existed until like a month ago. 

When I read or watch vampires...I want crazy ass kicking bloodfest of action and maybe a pinch of romance.  From what you describe this movie would annoy the crap out of me...

~Zoo

on Nov 24, 2008

In the 4th book everyone got what they wanted.  Bella became a vamp, her baby bonded with Jacob, yadda yadda.  But what really pissed me off was this big fight scene.  All the players were in place, literally, and then everyone just walked away?  Gah, its my own fault for reading teen bopper books.

To be honest, the third book really bugged me. I didn't know that it would, but Bella just got icky and super selfish. I wanted to smack that girl with a tuna. That's why I read the spoiler and saved myself a couple of hours.

My whole problem with the 3rd book was the way it ended with Jacob.  I mean what woman/girl/living being would want to kiss and ew, have sex with someone that is so cold she can't sleep beside him without a buffer between them?  I'm sorry but that is like a cold shower, or a cold CORPSE.  Ew.  Double Ew..bring on the sexy HOT BLOODED BIG Werewolves!

I'm ok with Vamps so long as there isn't a lot of talk about how "cold" they are.  Once I am reminded of the corpsy part, that's pretty much it.  Necrophilia...

Meyers really hit that peculiar note of the kind of uber-boyfriend I think all (most?) of us really wanted as teens--the mysterious bad-boy who softens just for the heroine and is devoted beyond his own convenience.

I think most women even feel this way to a degree.  We want a man who will pine for us long after they're gone, or we are.  You know, like we are so awesome they could NEVER move on...buwhahahahaha.

 

on Nov 24, 2008

My sister went and saw it last night, and her reaction was, 'There's sucky, then there's SUCKY, then there's that craptacular movie. Whole new levels of Suckitude.'

The only people I've talked too or heard talking about it, that thought it was good were very young.

In fact, there were a lot of girls between 6-10 in that movie.  The movie is PG-13 and if their moms want to bring them, well so be it.  But most of the previews were for R movies, horror flicks, and I kept thinking, wow, my soon to be 6 year old would be having nightmares from the previews for a looooong time.

Those movies aren't great, but at least they've got sexy Kate Beckinsale in tight leather bodices and plenty of sexy vampire action - as opposed to the apparent snorefest of Twilight.

Well she won't be in the new one, the "pre-quel" to the others.  But the chick in the picture above seems like another great female vamp.

 

on Nov 24, 2008

I have been watching "true blood" on HBO now this one is great filled with all kinds of charectors that come alive on the boob toob.

We watch it too MM, though I am really starting to hate the Sookie character...I just think they cast the wrong girl....I even wrote an article about it...http://lifehappens.joeuser.com/article/328625/TRUE_BLOOD_Sip_and_Thirst

Underworld rocks! True Vampire movies rock!

You know the show Saving Grace with Holly Hunter?  I'd like to see that character as a preternatural cop.  Like she keeps all the races in line, and has relationships with them, and its as gritty as her cop world is now.

That'd be vampire/preternatural for adults.

 

on Nov 24, 2008

When I read or watch vampires...I want crazy ass kicking bloodfest of action and maybe a pinch of romance. From what you describe this movie would annoy the crap out of me...

hahahaha....it annoyed me so I am sure it is off the annoyance scale for most guys.

I don't mind romance, in fact I prefer it.  To me it gives any story some credibility.  Why?  Because whenever you put a group of people together, at least one romance results.  It's almost inevitable.

While the movie sucked....you could probably learn some things about women by going and watching the women and not the movie.  I did a lot of people watching during the movie and realized something.

It may not be rational but every girl, every woman, wants to be special, cherished, loved, and even fought for when the situation calls for it.  And they want it from the one they consider to be their alpha (whether he actually is or not in a group of men is often moot).

 

on Nov 24, 2008

 

I have been watching "true blood" on HBO now this one is great filled with all kinds of charectors that come alive on the boob toob. Mind readers, Changlings vampires good and evil as hell, serial killers and more. The last episode of the season is tonight, sadly I will have to wait another 6 months for it to continue. Boo hoo.

Elie, my hubby and I have too! And he's not into movies like that, but he likes True Blood and watches it more faithfully than I do, I suspect like you for the boob tube!LOL!  But it is a good series of stories within!  I can't believe we have to wait until next Summer for the next season?!!!

 

You know the show Saving Grace with Holly Hunter? I'd like to see that character as a preternatural cop. Like she keeps all the races in line, and has relationships with them, and its as gritty as her cop world is now.

I enjoy this series a lot too!  Yes, she would be great!  BTW, my two friends thought Twilight was sucky too!

 

 

on Nov 24, 2008

BTW, my two friends thought Twilight was sucky too!

hahaha...I'll have to look up how much money it made this weekend.

 

on Nov 24, 2008

70.5 Million! 

Maybe they'll use some of that for BETTER effects in the next one....bring on the Werewolves!!

on Nov 24, 2008

I have seen so many people reading these books.   I mean all ages. I havn't had a chance yet. I won't see the movie, maybe a rental. I liked the vampire movie Blade, although I closed my eyes at most of the blood parts!

on Nov 24, 2008

My wife brought and read the first three in less than a week.  She said they were very teenage, kinda crappy but okay.  I decided to skip them.  While I was kind of looking forward to the movie, from the sounds of it, I might just wait until it is out on DVD.

Thanks for the heads up.

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