Hunter, my twelve year old, went for his yearly physical.  The Dr. said "he's started puberty."

We jokingly refer to him as our "pre-teen" but if he's in puberty, seems like he should already be a teenager.

Some things I've noticed about him in the last few months.... He likes to spend free time alone in his bedroom.  He has a computer, tv, all the toys, but he only games on the weekends.  It's not just that he likes to do it, but it seems like he really hates doing things with our family now.  He's always loved going to Mississippi on Spring Break.  We own 75 acres of beautiful forest land there.  We fish, hunt, ride ATV's, take long walks in the woods.  When I mentioned going this year he shrugged and said he'd rather stay home and game.

I know part of the reason he has problems with doing family things is Gavin.  Gavin just turned five and is all big loud personality.  Hunter is more introspective and quiet.  He doesn't like being the center of attention, but he's a natural leader.  Meaning, when he is together with friends, he always ends up "suggesting" what they do, how they do it, etc.  I guess he's bossy, but in a boy kind of way.

Anyway, Gavin won't be bossed.  He tells Hunter, "You're not the BOSS OF ME!"  Whenever Hunter tells him something helpful like, "Gavin, shut the bathroom door please."  or "Gavin leave my room."

So, going and doing with the family isn't a priority for him anymore.  Frankly, I hate to force him to come along because then its a great big sulk fest....which leads to my husband getting angry, which ruins the whole outing.

My extended family encourages me to let my husband deal with it.  Teen boys need a strong man and all that.  I do believe it, but sometimes I think my husband is too hard on Hunter.  But, then, heh, sometimes he says I am.

I want to give Hunter his space.  I really appreciated my space when I was a teen.  I liked being alone and doing things which interested me.  But how much alone time is too much?

I would appreciate any feedback from people who have raised, or are raising teen boys.  Do you agree that this is the time when Dad really needs to be in control/gauging normal from not normal?  What if Dad and son are both Alpha?

I guess its time to start the next phase.  And like the phases before I don't have any good role model experience, so I will turn to books.  When Hunter was about three years old, or there abouts, I was reading a book on discipline.  He was smart, he knew that book was the source of the "new rules" and he wasn't impressed with them or me.  I found the book in the toilet.  hahahahahaha

Why do I just know our upcoming issues won't be solved by rescuing a book from a good flushing?