Yeah me too Zoo.  Scary ain't it?

Karma.

Ohhhhhh brought back memories T.  As you know I had three teen boys all at once.  With my first one, I was shocked at how soon puberty started. 

I hated 12.  I thought 12 was the pits for all 3 of them.  They all reacted differently but it was quite a year.  My first one cried all the time at the drop of a hat, very sentimental.  I remember my youngest was very contrary and even ran away from home (for a few hours) and worried us as we searched for him. 

It's a time to reset boundaries like I remember doing when they were about 3.  I look at 3 as a testing period and when they figure out who's boss they settle down until about 12 when they start over again. 

This is the time, for the next few years, that you have to remember NOT to sweat the small stuff.  Pick your battles.  Give them little victories but you take charge of the big stuff.  If they want adult priviledges (little by little) then they must also accept adult responsibilities.  As soon as they go back on their responsiblities you take away the priviledges.  You can't have one without the other. 

 Don't let them stay home away from the family.  They need to be with family making those memories even if they sulk about it.  Work around it.  With our kids they knew they didn't have a choice.  If we went on vacation, they all went.  When we went to church they all went.  Of couse, in your case with a much young sibling you can't expect he's going to go to story hour with you and Gavin.....lol. 

It's definitely a learning experience.  I look back and see that with each kid it was different with different obstacles but it's all about coming into adulthood and change is hard.  You may see a pushing away from Mom and that's always hard but to be expected.  They need you to be strong tho, when they start pushing.  This is very important.  Don't fall down. 

Dad has to be careful not to push "too hard" but at the same time keep his authority and it should never be challenged.  This is where communication is crucial.  Look for teachable moments and keep it brief.....they hate lectures. 

When my kids left the nest by going to college and starting their careers they started to really appreciate their family and the tough stances we did take at times.  They saw the results of those parents who threw their hands up and said...."they're going to do it anyway so we let them" attitude and each one of them has thanked us that we didn't do that.  We didn't give up although it's very tempting at times to do so. 

This is fasten your seatbelt time T.  But usually  if you establish the ground rules at 12-14 and stick to them, by the time they reach 15-18 it's not so bad.  I guess it's about setting a good foundation. 

Good Luck. 

 

 

Thanks KFC.  We are trying to set ground rules without being too restrictive.  Both my kids have a natural independent streak...which is great, until they turn it on us.

Hunter does challenge his dad.  Not physically, but he will tell his dad, "That's just stupid dad.  Come on.  It doesn't make any sense.  I'm not doing it."

I duck and run at that point.  I try and remind my husband our son isn't one of his troops to jump at his command....heh, but I don't think its sinking in.

There will be NO PUSHING away from mom!  haha.  He already shrugs off my hugs and stuff in public.  I like to tease him and tell him I will give him a big fat good bye kiss in front of the school bus if he is running late.  Scares him to death.

Yeah he's not too big on going to Gavin's play dates..hahaha.  But he was WONDERFUL at Gavin's birthday party.  I asked him before the party (just to see what he'd say) if he wanted to go.  He said, "To Gavin's birthday party?"  I said, "Yeah."

"Of course mom!  It's Gavin's birthday."

Then to top it off, he helped all Gavin's little friends with the games, and helped them keep track of their tickets and coins.

Exactly.

hahaha  Bet he will LOOOOVE you sharing that.

 

As a dad since 1985 tot wo wonderful sons my advice is always to remember this one little thing: IT'S QUANTITY TIME, NOT QUALITY TIME THAT IN THE END REALLY MATTERS.

ha!  This reminded me of David.  He, being the youngest was very affectionate all the time and after my seeing the older two not wanting any affection after puberty started I used to tease David everynight when he'd come in for a kiss goodnight that one day he wouldn't be searching me out and be just like his brothers.  He'd say...."no Mom, I'll always kiss you goodnight" and he'd give me a big hug and kiss. 

Wellllll just like his brothers (and I reminded him of this), if I wanted a hug or kiss I'd practically have to tackle him like I did his brothers.  I used to sneak up behind them while they ate breakfast or dinner or something when they had no warning and smack them one with a kiss or hug...hahahahah.  Now it's back to giving mom a hug when they see me....and there's no problem.  So it's a temporary problem.

 

Sounds like you got lots of good advice, here, T. We went through it with three boys and two girls. You have my condolences. If there is anything I would add to the above it would be for you. Remember that kids are not cut out with a cookie cutter. Each one is different and each needs an individual approach to managing this time in their lives. We tend to concentrate on what it does to us when the real problem is what is happening to them. Their hormones rage, they don't really know what to do about it except (well...you didn't want too much info so I'll leave that alone). They are as conflicted and confused as we are about things. Just remember they love you, and they deserve respect. I found that enough conversation usually helped any situation, but of course, they don't always want to converse...
Just be patient and if all else fails...you have 75 acres?

I agree.  We figured this out early on, thank goodness!  But do you force yourself on them?  Or let them come to you?  Because, have no doubt, my son likes his private time.  We have to literally force him out.

 

That's good to know.  It's so weird to hug him at this age for me because he is just shy of being taller than me, and he is solid.  What happened to the boy I threw around like a doll?  haha.

My oldest is gonna be MUCH bigger than my husband.  I can't wait until he has to look down at his dad to talk.  I think it will be a hoot.  Then again.....

Yeah.  My husband bought it several years ago when we were looking for other ways to invest our money besides IRA, mutual funds, cds, etc.  At least that's what he says....I think he bought it for the hunting and fishing.  But now I see all sorts of possibilities...

If things get too bad, I have a camper and some land, I'm outta here! 

He's has a "wall."  A place in conversation when he just shuts us out.  I think its because the conversations sometimes get too long, or he gets angry and doesn't want to mouth off, so he just shuts down.

I will remember this, because its true.  I tend to look at how his behavior is affecting the family more than what he is experiencing.

Yeah, thanks for not giving TMI.

 

Or he's thinking about that video game he wants to be playing...

Or that girl...

Or anything else that's more important than those people he didn't get to choose to be around but has to. Which is, by definition, anything.

Never talk to him when he's gaming, either, because nothing helps a guy concentrate on what he's doing better than someone talking to him, specifically mothers or wives...

I don't have much to add, you've received some good advice so far!  My son is 13 (14 in August) he's still into games and can be a bit selfish, which I cuss him out (constructively) at times. He's still mean to his little sister, sometimes, but there are times when they get a long well.  He would rather be hold up in his room for hours or on the computer for hours at YouTube!  He's recently improved his grades that were failing, thank heavens!  He still wants hugs and kisses and gets them.  Although he is already experiencing puberty (his Peds said that at the last check up, but I was too busy focussing on his possible bone issues at the time and thank heavens that's nought!), but he's not shown an interest in girls yet, at least none that I know of.  He does now take a bath everyday, (thank god!) before I used to pull teeth to get him to bathe even twice a week!LOL!  He combs his hair and cares about how he looks now.  Before he didn't care, so I guess he's growing up! 

I would take him on the trip, as KFC said, don't leave him at home.  He may not want to but it will do him good, even if he sulks.  I do that to my son sometimes when he doesn't want to go somewhere then he would say he's glad I forced him to, so you never know.  Probably try to keep his younger brother out of his hair - although that's hard I know! 

You're doing a great job so far and I'm sure will continue to do that.  It's tough being a parent isn't it?!  There's never a book that will tell you what you are going to experience, they might have some ideas, and that's all good, but your own individual experience is always different!

Oh lord, yes.  Davey especially.  Mind you, his dad does the same thing, so it's not hard to see where he gets it from.  Big Dave will sulk and whine when he has to do something he doesn't like, and the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree with Teenage Davey.    Shea's not so bad; she's more of a 'go with the flow' character and doesn't complain a whole lot about anything.

 

hahahaha. Think I haven't learned that yet?

Um, I think if he actually CARES about how he looks and smells, its probably because of girls? haha.

My son still doesn't care how he dresses or how often he showers. We have to make him take a shower every night. If it were up to him, every other day or so is all he'd do.



Oh, he is going for sure. He isn't old enough to be home by himself for more than an hour or so. He is mature enough, and ready to be, I'm not though.



YES! YES! YES! Hardest gig I ever took. (WHAT was I thinking?  )

That's a good idea. It's hard though. But as he gets taller, haha, for some reason I am treating him more like a big person.



My son has a friend with a step mom, and he treats her the same way. Do you think boys can relate to non blood related females better than their moms when it comes to affection?