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Breast Cancer Diary Excerpt
Published on November 1, 2010 By Tova7 In Blogging

***********************************GRAPHIC PHOTOS OF A  POST-MASTECTOMY BREAST BELOW******************************************

 

 

 

I won’t lie.

I struggled with whether or not to post these pictures.

After all, you can see the ravages of breast cancer simply by googling it.

But those pictures aren’t my genuine experience.

Those pictures aren’t me.

Certain my pride would keep its secrets, breast cancer forced an unwanted intimacy; dragged me into depths of pain; breathed vile, unholy, curses across my soul; tried to shame me into submission.

And for awhile, after unwinding the bandages, looking at the scarred deformed flesh for the first time since surgery, I gasped, hesitated, almost submitted to the hideous whispers.

But you know what?

That’s not who I am.

I don’t submit to fear.

And I certainly don’t remain silent when forced into intimacy with something as vile as a disease that wants to eat my life, kill my faith, destroy my family.

So I’m outing my breast cancer.

Outing the scars.

Outing the pain.

Outing the intimate reality of a disease that claims 1 of every 8 women in this country.

You see it, as I saw it.

  

 

FIVE DAYS POST SURGERY

This is a picture of the surgical bra worn after mastectomy/lumpectomy.  I had a right side mastectomy, but it looks backward here because I used a mirror to take the picture.  The left side is good to go, but eventually an implant will be placed on the right side to even me up.

 

 

 

This is a tube attached to a drain that sticks out the side of the body.  The tube stays for about 2 weeks.  Some women have two per breast.  I have one because I only allowed 4 lymph nodes to be taken.  If they did them all, (sentinel and axilla) there would likely be two tubes here. 

 

 

This is self-explanatory.  The hole without the bandage.

 

 

A closer view.  What you don’t see (because I couldn’t get the bandage off), is the 3 inch incision on the other side in about the same place where they placed the chest tube to re-inflate the lung.  The tube in this pic is strictly to drain lymph fluid and blood.  It aches 24/7.  And also the 4 inch incision under my right arm where lymph nodes were removed.  My right hand is cold all the time now.  Hope that clears up as the swelling goes down. 

 

 

The incision under the left breast with augmentation.  They pull the pectoral muscle off the ribs and place the silicon implant beneath it.  My husband asked me to not show that breast but the gross incision and bruise is FINE.  lol  But if you’ve seen one boob, well….

 

This is the port placed above my left breast for chemo.  It’s the lump, I don’t know what the top red bump is…but it hurts.  lol  That might be where my lung was punctured, I dunno.

 

And finally….

The right mastectomy.  It is not flat because there is an expander placed beneath the pectoral muscle to stretch the skin.  Originally the implant was going to be placed after mastectomy because I didn’t go Pam Andersen (bigger), just back to where I was before cancer..so there was plenty of skin for that.  However, the lump was so close to the skin the surgeon took more skin than anticipated.  So an expander was placed to stretch my skin back to normal.

Hopefully he got all of the cancer cells from the skin (clear margins) or he’ll have to go back and take more.  If he did get it all, then I will have saline injected into this expander 2-3 times before it is swapped out for a silicon implant.  The breast will always be numb, and I will likely have a nipple tattooed on for aesthetics, or something more fun…who knows.  (There are suction cup nipples on the market….hhahaha…no kidding!)  But I’m really not into them.  Mostly I just want to look normal in clothes, and a Franken-boob meets that criteria.

If you look close you can see part of the rubber expander on my sternum.  It is a constant stiff pressure and hurts.

More than a little bit.

 

This isn’t the worst.  There is still chemo, steroids, and radiation to go yet.  And oh yeah, since I have an uber aggressive type of breast cancer…it will likely recur in the next few years, somewhere else in my body.

There is one thing I know for sure.  I won’t submit or go quietly.

And while cancer devours my body…..

it can pucker up and kiss my ass.

 

 

 

 

 


Comments (Page 2)
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on Nov 03, 2010

I'm with Nitro in sentiments (and everyone else of course, but his comments after your last reveal) I am so happy you're in fighting mode. I quake inside at the pictures and I can't imagine.....I love your fierceness and you need lots of it so don't ever give up! (easier said than done I know). I'm still praying and you will kick Cancer so hard it won't even have a pucker left! I'm here T, anytime ok? Love you girl.

on Nov 04, 2010

Tonya, you keep fighting the fight. You are a strong gal! Continued prayers and positive vibes your way!

on Nov 04, 2010

I pray for the best possible outcome!  With your drive and determination, Cancer will never beat you.  IN that regards. you have already won half the battle.

Stay Tova Strong!

on Nov 05, 2010

No Words right now.  We will pray and plead.  There are a lot of good folks out here in cyber-space putting up good thoughts...some are bound to stick.

on Nov 08, 2010

I quake inside at the pictures and I can't imagine

It's pretty Gross D.  But believe it or not, I had a SKIN-SAVING MASTECTOMY. It looks lots better than the regular mastectomy.  Those are a big slash across the breast, and reconstruction is much more difficult down the road.

I almost did that out of ignorance.

When we first found out, I just wanted it out.  So I scheduled surgery for 4 days after diagnosis on a Monday.  Monday came, I went in, changed into the robe, was getting prepped for surgery when the surgeon came in and I told him, "nah, this really can't happen today...I haven't had enough time to research things."

That postponed surgery by about 4 weeks, but I was able to have a skin saving surgery, and refuse to let them take my axilla nodes which means my arm worked fine the day after surgery!  Of course that makes it more difficult for them to stage my cancer ... but all that does is give me their opinion on how long I will live.  I'd rather keep the use of my arm.  It's more practical. 

 

 

 

on Nov 08, 2010

We will pray and plead. There are a lot of good folks out here in cyber-space putting up good thoughts...some are bound to stick.

Thanks BFD.  Somedays, that's the best I can hope for. 

 

Cancer will never beat you

I dunno Doc.  I'm thinking as a device of death, it'll win in the end.  One way or another. 

But not today. 

Not today.

 

on Nov 08, 2010

Continued prayers and positive vibes your way!

Thanks my sista!

on Nov 11, 2010

I won't be tested any further for BC spread. They wait for symptoms (like bone pain (bone), yellow skin (liver), headaches (brain), etc) before they do tests for it.

 Oh well.

Even THEN they can't ever know for sure.

 But today?

 Today (aside from a little soreness) I feel fantastic!

on Nov 11, 2010

Each day is now a special gift, Tova.  Enjoy each and every one.  Somehow, I know you will.

on Nov 11, 2010

Each day is now a special gift, Tova. Enjoy each and every one. Somehow, I know you will.

Because of my early life, there are very few times I've really ever taken this life for granted.  I know how fortunate I am to be WHERE I am, WITH who I am.

But you're right of course.  I plan to squeeze every last bit of life I can out of everyday.

on Nov 11, 2010

Never a doubt.

on Dec 10, 2010

It's a strange sensation living in these times. They'll have every known cancer defeated "utterly" in about 25 to 30 years. Just that teeny bit late for a lot of us. It's like missing that plane by 2 seconds. But at least our sprogs should benefit.

on Dec 10, 2010

It's a strange sensation living in these times. They'll have every known cancer defeated "utterly" in about 25 to 30 years. Just that teeny bit late for a lot of us. It's like missing that plane by 2 seconds. But at least our sprogs should benefit.

I don't think cancer will ever be cured.  But hope I'm wrong.

on Feb 13, 2011

That postponed surgery by about 4 weeks, but I was able to have a skin saving surgery, and refuse to let them take my axilla nodes which means my arm worked fine the day after surgery! Of course that makes it more difficult for them to stage my cancer ... but all that does is give me their opinion on how long I will live. I'd rather keep the use of my arm. It's more practical.

Last week, I saw on every news channel that your decision to not have your axilla lymph nodes removed has now become the recommended practice.   YOU ROCK Tova. You did the research and were so in front of the curve to make this wise decision.

Here is a news article. A little long but well worth the read.


February 8, 2011

Lymph Node Study Shakes Pillar of Breast Cancer Care

By DENISE GRADY

A new study finds that many women with early breast cancer do not need a painful procedure that has long been routine: removal of cancerous lymph nodes from the armpit.

The discovery turns standard medical practice on its head. Surgeons have been removing lymph nodes from under the arms of breast cancer patients for 100 years, believing it would prolong women’s lives by keeping the cancer from spreading or coming back.

Now, researchers report that for women who meet certain criteria — about 20 percent of patients, or 40,000 women a year in the United States — taking out cancerous nodes has no advantage. It does not change the treatment plan, improve survival or make the cancer less likely to recur. And it can cause complications like infection and lymphedema, a chronic swelling in the arm that ranges from mild to disabling.

Removing the cancerous lymph nodes proved unnecessary because the women in the study had chemotherapy and radiation, which probably wiped out any disease in the nodes, the researchers said. Those treatments are now standard for women with breast cancer in the lymph nodes, based on the realization that once the disease reaches the nodes, it has the potential to spread to vital organs and cannot be eliminated by surgery alone.

Experts say that the new findings, combined with similar ones from earlier studies, should change medical practice for many patients. Some centers have already acted on the new information. Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Centerin Manhattan changed its practice in September, because doctors knew the study results before they were published. But more widespread change may take time, experts say, because the belief in removing nodes is so deeply ingrained.

“This is such a radical change in thought that it’s been hard for many people to get their heads around it,” said Dr. Monica Morrow, chief of the breast service at Sloan-Kettering and an author of the study, which is being published Wednesday in The Journal of the American Medical Association. The National Cancer Institute paid for the study.

Doctors and patients alike find it easy to accept more cancer treatment on the basis of a study, Dr. Morrow said, but get scared when the data favor less treatment.

The new findings are part of a trend to move away from radical surgery for breast cancer. Rates of mastectomy, removal of the whole breast, began declining in the 1980s after studies found that for many patients, survival rates after lumpectomy and radiation were just as good as those after mastectomy.

The trend reflects an evolving understanding of breast cancer. In decades past, there was a belief that surgery could “get it all” — eradicate the cancer before it could spread to organs and bones. But research has found that breast cancer can begin to spread early, even when tumors are small, leaving microscopic traces of the disease after surgery.

The modern approach is to cut out obvious tumors — because lumps big enough to detect may be too dense for drugs and radiation to destroy — and to use radiation and chemotherapy to wipe out microscopic disease in other places.

But doctors have continued to think that even microscopic disease in the lymph nodes should be cut out to improve the odds of survival. And until recently, they counted cancerous lymph nodes to gauge the severity of the disease and choose chemotherapy. But now the number is not so often used to determine drug treatment, doctors say. What matters more is whether the disease has reached any nodes at all. If any are positive, the disease could become deadly. Chemotherapy is recommended, and the drugs are the same, no matter how many nodes are involved.

The new results do not apply to all patients, only to women whose disease and treatment meet the criteria in the study.

The tumors were early, at clinical stage T1 or T2, meaning less than two inches across. Biopsies of one or two armpit nodes had found cancer, but the nodes were not enlarged enough to be felt during an exam, and the cancer had not spread anywhere else. The women had lumpectomies, and most also had radiation to the entire breast, and chemotherapy or hormone-blocking drugs, or both.

The study, at 115 medical centers, included 891 patients. Their median age was in the mid-50s, and they were followed for a median of 6.3 years.

After the initial node biopsy, the women were assigned at random to have 10 or more additional nodes removed, or to leave the nodes alone. In 27 percent of the women who had additional nodes removed, those nodes were cancerous. But over time, the two groups had no difference in survival: more than 90 percent survived at least five years. Recurrence rates in the armpit were also similar, less than 1 percent. If breast cancer is going to recur under the arm, it tends to do so early, so the follow-up period was long enough, the researchers said.

One potential weakness in the study is that there was not complete follow-up information on 166 women, about equal numbers from each group. The researchers said that did not affect the results. A statistician who was not part of the study said the missing information should have been discussed further, but probably did not have an important impact.

It is not known whether the findings also apply to women who do not have radiation and chemotherapy, or to those who have only part of the breast irradiated. Nor is it known whether the findings could be applied to other types of cancer.

The results mean that women like those in the study will still have to have at least one lymph node removed, to look for cancer and decide whether they will need more treatment. But taking out just one or a few nodes should be enough.

Dr. Armando E. Giuliano, the lead author of the study and the chief of surgical oncology at the John Wayne Cancer Institute at St. John’s Health Center in Santa Monica, Calif., said: “It shouldn’t come as a big surprise, but it will. It’s hard for us as surgeons and medical oncologists and radiation oncologists to accept that you don’t have to remove the nodes in the armpit.”

Dr. Grant W. Carlson, a professor of surgery at the Winship Cancer Institute at Emory University, and the author of an editorial accompanying the study, said that by routinely taking out many nodes, “I have a feeling we’ve been doing a lot of harm.”

Indeed, women in the study who had the nodes taken out were far more likely (70 percent versus 25 percent) to have complications like infections, abnormal sensations and fluid collecting in the armpit. They were also more likely to have lymphedema.

But Dr. Carlson said that some of his colleagues, even after hearing the new study results, still thought the nodes should be removed.

“The dogma is strong,” he said. “It’s a little frustrating.”

Eventually, he said, genetic testing of breast tumors might be enough to determine the need for treatment, and eliminate the need for many node biopsies.

Two other breast surgeons not involved with the study said they would take it seriously.

Dr. Elisa R. Port, the chief of breast surgery at Mount Sinai Medical Center in Manhattan, said: “It’s a big deal in the world of breast cancer. It’s definitely practice-changing.”

Dr. Alison Estabrook, the chief of the comprehensive breast center at St. Luke’s-Roosevelt hospital in New York said surgeons had long been awaiting the results.

“In the past, surgeons thought our role was to get out all the cancer,” Dr. Estabrook said. “Now he’s saying we don’t really have to do that.”

But both Dr. Estabrook and Dr. Port said they would still have to make judgment calls during surgery and remove lymph nodes that looked or felt suspicious.

The new research grew out of efforts in the 1990s to minimize lymph node surgery in the armpit, called axillary dissection. Surgeons developed a technique called sentinel node biopsy, in which they injected a dye into the breast and then removed just one or a few nodes that the dye reached first, on the theory that if the tumor was spreading, cancer cells would show up in those nodes. If there was no cancer, no more nodes were taken. But if there were cancer cells, the surgeon would cut out more nodes.

Although the technique spared many women, many others with positive nodes still had extensive cutting in the armpit, and suffered from side effects.

“Women really dread the axillary dissection,” Dr. Giuliano said. “They fear lymphedema. There’s numbness, shoulder pain, and some have limitation of motion. There are a fair number of serious complications. Women know it.”

After armpit surgery, 20 percent to 30 percent of women develop lymphedema, Dr. Port said, and radiation may increase the rate to 40 percent to 50 percent. Physical therapy can help, but there is no cure.

The complications — and the fact that there was no proof that removing the nodes prolonged survival — inspired Dr. Giuliano to compare women with and without axillary dissection. Some doctors objected. They were so sure cancerous nodes had to come out that they said the study was unethical and would endanger women.

“Some prominent institutions wouldn’t even take part in it,” Dr. Giuliano said, though he declined to name them. “They’re very supportive now. We don’t want to hurt their feelings. They’ve seen the light.”

 

 

 

 

on Feb 13, 2011

“The dogma is strong,” he said. “It’s a little frustrating.”

He ain't kidding.  I had to fight (hard) for my surgeon to leave my lymph nodes alone.

I can't wait to forward this to him!!  lol

Thanks Lula!

And here is to the women in the future who won't have to suffer with LE!! WOO HOO!!! 

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