Disturbia, fiction, family, friends, and everything else between the lions.
Published on July 30, 2009 By Tova7 In Blogging

Squeezing an entire quarter into 5 weeks?  Not a good idea.  Especially when the instructor wants you to taste every aspect of a field as broad and wide as Public Works.  It's not just about toilet water ya know.

---------------------------

I dreamed last night.  About the past, about three different periods of time in my life, with three different people.  I don't like dreaming about the past.  It's a waste of good dream space.  I'd rather go places in my dreams, not re-live the mundane.

---------------------------

There is a school of thought (in my experience mostly in the south) centered on teaching young girls to "be nice."  As lessons to pre-pubescent girls go, its not a bad one to learn necessarily.  But, when does nice turn victim?  I have two beautiful vivacious nieces.  (No really, they are.)

One just finished high school.  The other?  Still in the belly of the beast.  They are coached to shut their mouths and walk away.  Probably wise in almost all instances.  But, there are times when being nice to someone means slapping a welcome mat on your back and eating tread for the duration.

They are not taught to stand up for themselves, to draw a line and know how to respond when someone crosses it.  Not talking about the immature reaction of slapping someone "cuz they pissed me off," or screaming like white trash in the streets.  My nieces are way too classy for such a reaction and really what's the point?

But the more subtle, drama-less technique of clarifying a point, speaking an opinion, being honest without attacking.  Jokingly I tell them to kick butt and take names.  (As you can imagine, this flies really well with the nice women in their lives who consider anything but doormat status masculine.)  But, I see them once, twice a year and without the ability to practice real live techniques, or as they say in academia, conflict management, its all just whistling Dixie.

There is one BIG reason they need to learn this lesson.  BOYS.

While girls can be catty and hateful, unless dealing with a bully..most of the time in high school they can stick their noses in the air, walk away and look superior.  But with boys?  How can my nieces stick up for themselves with boys if they're taught implicitly every day that being nice is what counts above all other things?

I see their mother.  Attractive, smart, nice.  So nice she couldn't tell boyfriends no in high school, so nice she couldn't tell her first husband to get a job and be a man, so nice she couldn't leave when a one-time husband drank and became a little rough, so nice....frankly, so nice it became downright sadistic.

But, like I said, also smart.  It took her a couple decades, but eventually she found a way to be nice and actually have a life.  She married a man who guards her boundaries like a pit bull.  She gets to stay nice while he goes to the mat with her tormentors.

My nieces can do better, be better.  It's just too bad being nice is the highest bar of expectation set for them.  The litmus test for success in life.

---------------------------------

I can't believe August in upon us.  This summer has yet to be hot.  Not that I'm complaining.  I love the way everything is staying green and robust.  (Not liking the rust on my Cleveland Pear Trees though...gotta find the time to spray them in the next few days or we'll have pre-mature leaf shedding.

Have you ever noticed the word pre-mature is never attached to anything good?

And CERTAINLY nothing NICE.

 

 


Comments
on Jul 30, 2009

 

on Jul 30, 2009

Especially when the instructor wants you to taste every aspect of a field as broad and wide as Public Works. It's not just about toilet water ya know.

You did that on purpose, right?  Any instructor who desires me tasting toilet water will find out what NOT NICE is. Heeheee.

The older I get, the more I dream about people who are dead.  Some are nice visits, some are sweat-inducing, edge-of-a-scream, pillow-drenching, terrors.  You reach a point when you think you have already done the most important things you'll ever do and the rest is just waiting to join those gone before.  Then the three-year-old granddaughter lisps a sweet, unsolicited, "I love you, Grupa" and there is hope that something is left to offer.  Whew!   You bring out the brain cells, T!

As for the nice girls:  Being nice is an important thing to learn.  But being a wimp isn't.  It is a fine balance, as I am sure you know, to stay self-protective without being labeled a "bitch".  I hope my girls learned  that "bitch" is better than "victim".  I don't see any measure of victim in them.  Nothing improves self-confindence more than a tight group in the 10-ring.

I am glad you are getting the most out of your education endeavors, I hope you are, anyway.  And I am sure you will be an asset to whatever community you wind up squaring away.  But I miss seeing your name on the old site.  So many of my favorites have disappeared and the new format seems favor the techies and gamers.  Gotta weed through a bunch of titles to find something to read.  I am sure I probably miss some good stuff because I lose interest in the search too soon.  Anyway, good to see a bright spot. 

on Jul 30, 2009

I am glad you are getting the most out of your education endeavors, I hope you are, anyway. And I am sure you will be an asset to whatever community you wind up squaring away. But I miss seeing your name on the old site. So many of my favorites have disappeared and the new format seems favor the techies and gamers. Gotta weed through a bunch of titles to find something to read. I am sure I probably miss some good stuff because I lose interest in the search too soon. Anyway, good to see a bright spot.

Thanks BFD, I am very busy.  I hate the way its taken over my life...but come this spring...I hope to be done, finito, outta there.  (Of course I realize actually saying it aloud practically ensures a jinx.)

There are a bunch of us over at livejournal now.  The links are on my sidebar on my blog here.  You are guaranteed to get feedback and article readers there from non-gamers/one-time-joeusers. 

But alas and alek, I haven't had much time to blog there either.

I cross post here because I have an aunt who learned joeuser and I wouldn't put her through another site learning spell.  Plus I still have friends here....like you!

You reach a point when you think you have already done the most important things you'll ever do and the rest is just waiting to join those gone before.

Oh no!  I'll just go slit my wrists now.....hahaha....seriously, how awful...I will contribute to something, even if its just driving my kids or neighbors bonkers, until the day I die!

You did that on purpose, right? Any instructor who desires me tasting toilet water will find out what NOT NICE is. Heeheee.

Since I've done my share of work induced and sleep deprived gagging this quarter...it seemed appropriate. 

 

 

on Jul 30, 2009

Hi Tova.  I only have a sec but wanted to say hello.  I will try to come back to comment on the "nice" issue.

on Jul 30, 2009

I went over to LiveJournal and opened a blog but after a few weeks of no response I quit checkin' it.  Just ain't the same and yeah...I'm whinin'.

on Aug 01, 2009

Hi Tova. I only have a sec but wanted to say hello. I will try to come back to comment on the "nice" issue.

Hi Loca.

How ya doin?

I went over to LiveJournal and opened a blog but after a few weeks of no response I quit checkin' it. Just ain't the same and yeah...I'm whinin'.

Ah, well you DO have to let people know you're there.....add'em to you friends list and go tell them (us) where to find you.