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Published on August 8, 2008 By Tova7 In Parenting

MAJOR PARENTING WHINE/VENT.....

After reading Tex's latest article, Minivan Confessions, I admit to being somewhat relieved.  Why?  I'm not alone!  And because every year at this time my kids seem to get cranky.  Not just a here and there crankiness, but an honest to goodness "what will it be today?" foulness.

My twelve year old doesn't want to do anything but play on his computer.  Part of it is laziness.  I love him, but am not blind to his tendency to be lazy.  Part of it is because school starts in 2 1/2 weeks and he's not allowed to game during the school week.  There is just too much homework, and general busy-ness to make time for gaming.  So he is trying to squeeze every minute of fun he can out of sitting on his butt gaming.  And his recent weight gain proves it.

Most of it tho, laziness.

Nothing else matters.  And WOE to the person who pulls him away from gaming.  For instance, we have a canoe.  We are an outdoor family, always have been.  Except for my 12 year old who recently informed me there is "nothing to be gained from being outside.  It benefits me in no way."  This from the kid I had to force inside at dark most of his life.  But I digress. 

Saturday morning we get the kids up and head out to a little used section of the Little Miami River (where the fishing is fab, but the actual canoing uh, not so much).  I told Hunter to put on some sandals because the river is low and we will have to port.  (Don't know if that's an official word, but its one we use when hitting a log jam or something in the river which requires us to leave the water and carry the canoe to a spot further down river, where we can re-enter the water.)

Well guess what?  Hunter doesn't have any sandals, or anything other than tennis shoes.  Why?  Because when we did summer shoe shopping he refused to come with us.  (He has wide feet and must try on shoes, even crocks because the size I think will fit perfect, never does.)  Said his shoes were fine, he didn't like sandals.  I figured, ok I'll let him live with the consequences of the decision.  Let his feet sweat.

So all he has are tennis shoes, and with the recent growth spurt only one pair that fits.  Now I could let him wear them, but I know the mud on the river.  There is no way they'll work.  So we scrounge for some river shoes, and he ends up wearing a pair of mine.  But he is so freakin lazy he just shoves his feet in them, heel hanging out, without zipping them up.

He also plays the "I don't know what to do" game when we make him do family activities.  While porting, he just walked aimlessly, slowly in front of us, while my husband and I were carrying the canoe telling him to hurry it up.  When my husband told him to grab on and help, he slouches and says "Where?"

Carrying a heavy ass canoe through needle like plants, and watching a kid as big as I am stand around and be useless, set my temper off.  He can SEE what needs to be done, but since he doesn't really want to be there, refuses to acknowledge it.  And when my husband calls him on it, tells him to grab hold for instance, he acts like a three year old..gives us "I don't know how" eyes and then just gets in the way.

It was not a good day on the river.

I won't even discuss how we have to lift the canoe over our heads to put on top of the minivan....and how Hunter gets IN THE VAN to wait while we do it.  And how much yelling from his dad is required to get him to even look like he's helping.

A part of me wants to leave him home from now on.  He's ruined the last several family outings for everyone.  And at the end of the day I want to strangle him.

I did enjoy the part where he sank in KNEE high mud and it sucked the shoes he was too lazy to zip, right off his feet.  Maybe that's mean, but hey, the kid was asking for that and so much more.  Of course he didn't even try to get rinsed off before getting into the canoe.  That ratcheted up my husband's blood pressure.

Another example?  Yesterday.  It was almost noon and Hunter was still in bed.  My husband and I disagree on letting kids sleep in.  I feel if they are tired, let them sleep.  What does it hurt?  They're growing and their bodies will wake up when they've rested enough.  Besides he's on summer break.  Right?  Weeellll...

My husband says there is no reason for Hunter to be sleeping so late.  He goes to bed in the summer no later than 12:30 and shouldn't still be in bed at noon.  He thinks Hunter should be up and about and GET USED TO IT, because it will help prepare him for the rest of his life.  (And I do agree with that but still think I am right too.)

I am at home with them during the week so I let him sleep.  He IS growing.  He's grown over five inches in the last four months!  I go to his room and told him "ten minutes to brush your teeth and get ready.  We're taking a picnic lunch to the state park, then going on the hiking trail."

He started bitching and moaning because he wants to spend every minute playing video games.  I walked away.

We loaded up, him sulking, and went to the park.  We had lunch, which he didn't like.  I tried to talk to him about why exercise is important.  He gave me attitude and said he doesn't care if he's fat, if he's out of shape, who cares?  "Who cares how I look?"  was his mantra.

When I explained about cholesterol, diabetes, he replied, "I don't care if I have those things."  I told him they lead to death...he said, "So?  It's not like I'm going to die today.  Look at all the fat adults around.  I'll live to be that old at least."

On and on.

We started out on the trail.  It's beautiful.  All forest, trees, and the river gurgling, animals, and lots of huge boulders that make caves.  All that to enjoy?  No.  Hunter wouldn't shut up.  He picked fights with me, and when it didn't work, with his brother.  He argued and complained the entire first hour.  When I'd had enough and screamed at him to shut up, totally destroying the tranquility of nature, heh.  I decided we needed to head back before I left him to the wolves or beat him with my handy walking stick.  So we turned around for the hour hike back to the parking area.

There was no winning.  Gavin then started complaining.  Seeing as we were heading back and the fun was almost over he decided he was "tired" and "couldn't walk another step."  But, could we stop and play at the park on the way home?  Yeah, real tired.

All the way back I thought, My god, I have two ungrateful, self absorbed, and one seriously lazy kid. 

To top it all off, when we got back to the van Hunter took the last bottle of water out of the cooler and drank it.  That's no big deal except he only took two drinks of water from the bottle at lunch and it was still good.  But no, it wasn't cold, screw everyone else in the family, he wanted the last one and he took it.

My husband has wanted to really crack down on Hunter.  Meaning, make him suffer and sweat and learn to "be a man." haha.  But I tried to buffer that because my husband is a bit of an authoritarian.  He thinks his children should "hop too" like his troops at work.  If he says it, he wants it done NOW.  No quibbling.  No bad attitude.  No nonsense.  JUST DO IT AND LIKE IT!

Now, after the last few weeks (these are only two examples of many) I think I was wrong to keep my husband from making my son tow the Basic Training Line.

I am about to hand over all the discipline issues/motivation issues whatever you want to call it to my man.

Sulking is fine.  I can and do ignore it.  But outright blatant sabotage of everyone else's good time?  That's going to end.  I guess its about that time of year to take his computer out of his room, remove the games completely until he learns to be a human again.

Gah.

 

We are going canoing again this weekend.  Can't wait.

Grrrrr.

 

 

 

 

 

 


Comments (Page 2)
2 Pages1 2 
on Aug 09, 2008
Didn't I tell ya 12 stinks? I say it all the time. It's one of my most beloved mantras. We went thru this four times. Every single kid at 12 had issues and they were all different. So don't worry you will get by this. Even 14 is better than 12.

I didn't have the computer problem because I REFUSED to have a computer in the house until David was a senior in HS. We were the bad parents with no computer. They complained but if they needed a computer for HW we went to the library.

But I did notice if they watched too much tv or played too many nintendo games by themselves they were much nastier to deal with. I noticed when I limited these things or just plain outlawed them for a time I would see much more pleasant children.

What helped us was baseball. They started baseball young (about 6) and went all the way up with it. Usually baseball ends in June or so but then All Stars would start and one year we went all the way to the middle of August. We also did summer basketball camps and summer swimming lessons to keep them busy and outside.

I know summer is almost over but maybe you can start planning for next summer now. Put him in a karate class or have him go to a summer camp for a few weeks. They keep them outside and hopping with lots of outdoor activities. He needs to be around other kids his age to hang out with.

We spent alot of time in the summer when nothing else was going on by going to the area lakes where they would find others to hang out with. Sometimes I'd make them pick blueberries for me for an hour or so before we'd go swimming with the promise of blueberry muffins or pie when we got home.

Video and computer games should be collected up and piled in a field somewhere, dosed with gasoline, and BURNED. I HATE the damn things! They are ruining an entire generation.


This is so true and it's good to limit such things. It's teaching the kids not to associate with others for hours upon hours. They may be good at computers but their social skills are lacking.





on Aug 09, 2008

We spent alot of time in the summer when nothing else was going on by going to the area lakes where they would find others to hang out with

I find things for him to do..but most days I have to come up with it.

Yes I do actually listen when you talk about what worked with your kids and what didn't.  The only big difference is yours are so close in age.  When all else fails they could fight...haha, but there are seven years between mine.  It's not conducive to playing together.

Today we went canoing all day.  Not a single whimper or moan.  I couldn't believe it.  Then when we were done, Hunter and Gavin wanted to stay and skip rocks, and swim.  Of course hubby was with us and Hunt won't moan in front of him because things get hot fast....heh.

I'm sore from all the rowing.  We've decided next time Hunter will be in the front and I will sit in the middle.  I am going to get a double sided oar so I can still play tho.

Video and computer games should be collected up and piled in a field somewhere, dosed with gasoline, and BURNED. I HATE the damn things! They are ruining an entire generation.

I agree.  We are trying to keep our youngest otherwise engaged, but its hard because he likes whatever big brother likes.  Luckily, those games are too complex.

Right now Gavin is running through the house with his head sticking out of a pop up tent.  He thinks it will help him fly higher when he jumps.  (And this after several hours on the river.  The kid never tires, I'm telling ya.)

on Aug 10, 2008

Well, I am sorry and happy to read this at the same time. You are not alone by any stretch. This scenario plays out all over the place. I think this kind of thing is more common then people let on. Families are not perfect and they have to learn to be with each other. You don't pick your family, but you do have to live with them. At least for a little while.

God!  Let me tell you stories of this summer!  LOL!   I've been through the whole gamut, I don't even know where to begin! and I won't!  My son is the same with the Internet addictions and it's all my fault!  I've begun to curb him, but it is always a fight!  Then there have been the times when I have to literally kick him outside to go play or to join the family for some activities.  There were times this summer I did leave him at home because it wasn't fun trying to squash the squabbles between him and his sister, or his whining when he didn't want to do something.  He is so picky and particular I sometimes wonder where did we go wrong?!   Then when my daughter decides that she wants her voice heard too...you can't imagine. There are times I have threatened to leave them on the side of the road, literally and almost did a couple of times!lol!  Kids!  I love them but they are such pain in the asses! Thank heavens school begins soon, but even then that has its own headaches!

on Aug 10, 2008

Video and computer games should be collected up and piled in a field somewhere, dosed with gasoline, and BURNED. I HATE the damn things! They are ruining an entire generation.

I agree Roy!  I've been so guilty of feeding into this demand with my son.  Now my daughter wants a DS Lite for her birthday in October, I've alreayd made a promise that I can't break!

 

I want them to have fun and pursue interests and at the same time be active and involved in thier real life.  It is not easy trying to play the balancing act as we all know as parents.  Sometimes it is sad that our kids do take us for granted, and we let them!   My son is very creative and has done some fantastic videos and game creativeness that I'm amaze at!  I told him I want to see this creativeness used in his school work this year or he's in trouble!

on Aug 10, 2008
Yes I do actually listen when you talk about what worked with your kids and what didn't. The only big difference is yours are so close in age. When all else fails they could fight...haha, but there are seven years between mine. It's not conducive to playing together.


Sometimes they did play together, sometimes not. but I also had three kids I did daycare for so that helped I think. They were the same ages as my three so I had SIX all summer. I used to kick them out of the house when they were younger on nice days but by 12 I was wrapping up the daycare business. No TV, no Nintendo on nice days. Rainy days...that was different.

Hahaha, I remember my eldest, who really was my perfect child, giving me lip at 12. He was laying on the couch bored out of his mind when I told him I had work for him to do. So when he started to complain about how hard his life was (and something about running away) I literally picked him up by the ear, threw him out the front door and said, "bye, have a nice life." I was not happy...in fact furious comes to mind. All the ballgames, scouting and school events I went to and volunteered for and then to hear that.....good grief...it's a wonder I didn't kill him right there and then. And that was the "good" son!   

He made it to the mailbox before he sheepishly came back and did his chores.

I am absoulutely convinced nobody makes it past 12 without some hormonal chaos.

And my youngest was the worse. He stayed stuck in the age 12 mentality for years I swear. But listen to this.....he recently wrote me a note when he married apologizing for all his bad boy behavior and grief he gave me when he was a kid. He thanked us for not giving up on him.

So never, never, never give up. There will be a day, when you will reap the rewards but right now.....it stinks. I know, been there, done that! Now I can sit back and watch my little grandsons do what their father did and grin. It's payback time.   





on Aug 10, 2008

So never, never, never give up.

I won't.

I may cry and whine occasionally, but I won't give up on my kids.  I didn't go through the process of having them to just give them up.  I will get them to 18, and they will learn some stuff. 

I agree Roy! I've been so guilty of feeding into this demand with my son.

That's where it gets sticky for me.  I don't see any reason to deny my son these things simply because they ARE.  It's finding the balance that's hard.  I understand he loves them and enjoys playing.  I'm glad he has things at his age he can enjoy so much.

On the other hand, he is twelve so he wants to go overboard with everything he likes.  So I have to be the heavy.  Yeah, I know its my job, yadda yadda.  But I really don't like it.  It's not the confrontation I mind, but the after effects...haha...days and days of being miserable, and trying to take everyone with him into misery land.

Oh well.  I can do it everyday if I have too.

 

on Aug 11, 2008

See, this is why I don't have kids.  You, Tex, Kelly, Loca - erm, I mean Boudica and all the other mothers here are doing wonderfuls jobs, as far as I'm concerned.  I have a lot of patience, just none of it for cantankerous kids.

on Aug 11, 2008
I think Port(ing) is the correct term. It means " you have to pay for the fun". Or some such derivation from antiquity.
on Aug 11, 2008

I think Port(ing) is the correct term. It means " you have to pay for the fun".

Well I am never going on that part of the Little Miami again, guaranteed.  My husband likes the river area "less traveled."  Which means we have to take a chain saw at the beginning of the summer.  I hate that.

I prefer water ways that are basically clear, with an occasional sign of life now and then.  Meaning, another canoe.

See, this is why I don't have kids. You, Tex, Kelly, Loca - erm, I mean Boudica and all the other mothers here are doing wonderfuls jobs, as far as I'm concerned. I have a lot of patience, just none of it for cantankerous kids.

hahaha.  Parenting ain't for wimps...I saw that on a bumper sticker once.  I thought it was stupid and untrue until my kid turned 12.  Now I want one.

 

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