My husband and I spent all spring and most of this summer landscaping our yard.  

I water every three days.  Fertilize as each plant demands.  Pull stray weeds and grass from my new flower beds.  I do everything possible to give my new plants the best start in life. 

Last week I went out to water my beautiful new plants and found big gaping holes in the leaves.  Not only that, my hydrangea blooms are being eaten before they can even sprout. 

I wanted to believe it was a beetle or another critter easily killed with a sprinkling of pesticide.  Deep down though, I knew my enemy was immune to the dust, immune to most any pesticides qualified as easy.  My enemy is tuff.  My enemy is persistent.

My enemy is the slug.

I never battled slugs before.  So I called an old General in the war and asked for advice.  She recommended I set beer bait traps to get an idea of how many troops were dug in.

That night I began my reconnaissance armed with a flash light and several plastic cups.  I cut them down to about two inches high, placed them a little above ground level every two feet all around my plants.  Then filled each cup with beer.  Nothing fancy just Milwaukee’s Finest at $4.99 a 12 pack.

The next morning before even brushing my teeth I went out to collect my report.

Ugh, slugs, lots of them.  They love the smell of yeast so come to the beer, then drown in it.  Not exactly a bad way to go.  I am merciful after all....buwhahahahaha.

I noticed some were still sober enough to get away, or at least as far as the outside of the cup.  So I am positive some came, drank, and went home.  Maybe a few designated drivers in the bunch?

So I called the General and reported my findings.  She told me about some slug ammo I can get at Lowes that “shreds” them as they crawl over it.  And other devious arts of war.

I will head to Lowes this weekend and get the slug ammo, but until then I am filling up my little cups with beer every night.  I empty the enemy carcasses out every morning,  put the cups back in place, then come out and fill them every night.

The enemy is taking serious casualties.

Yesterday I was working in the flower bed and noticed several soldiers already crawled into the empty cups waiting for their beer.  It was the middle of the day!  Slugs do not like day light., dries them out and they die.  But there they laid, waiting for their nightly spirits.

Evil smile, and I went to fetch them a drink.

I’ve created alcoholic slugs.  They are so desperate for their poison they go against their own nature and brave the sunlight and heat of day to get to the place they know it will be.

They are so busy drinking and carousing they are forgetting to eat my plants.  My hydrangea are getting new unblemished blooms.  Meanwhile, just a scant few feet away, a massacre occurs in the form of drunken drowning.

Sure they can resist pesticide.  But they can’t resist a nice yeasty beer before their meal.

I am having such fun with this particular art of war, I don’t know if I want to change it with slug ammo.

Do I continue killing them with revelry and drunkenness, or just wipe them out discreetly?

Decisions, decisions.

Such is the art of war.